LOST

So I was driving home from work the other day--in a hurry to get home, as usual--tired from the day, as usual, and pretty inpatient, also as usual. I am behind a blue minivan that is driving very slowly. The driver waits at the green light, looking both ways, looking again, and then has the passenger look both ways and look again--I yell, "the light is green, goofball"--(as if they can hear me). Finally the blue minivan signals right and heads down my street! Great--now I get to follow them even further. "I am never going to get home", I think in my best "drama queen" voice. I notice as they drive down my street, that they slow and speed up, slow and speed up, both the passenger and the driver looking and looking out the windows at the house numbers. "What are you? Lost?" I shout!

Almost immediately, I am saddened at my loss of patience for those so obviously lost! I began to wonder how that translates into my emotions toward those who are lost spiritually. If I get so upset with someone who can't find their way, simply because it makes me a few minutes later getting home---then just maybe I think my time is way too precious! Perhaps my values are skewed. I mean honestly folks, its not like I was late for an appointment to do emergency brain surgery on a woman pregnant with quadruplets who had been hit in the head by a taco bell sign blown down by the wind! I was in a hurry to get home, change clothes, feed my face and look at facebook! Pretty important stuff don't you think? I was ashamed and began thinking about my attitude and asking God to change it----until . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I noticed that the minivan had 15 county plates---ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Y'all--that's North Platte--that's where I live. They were not lost at all--they just acted like it--the nerve of some people. I felt my ire rising again and frustration oozing out of every pore. Then all of the sudden, the God of the universe, the One who saved me, loves me and whom I worship, reached down, slapped me upside the head and said,, "Indeed" (now in case I have to clarify, I didn't literally see His hand reach down from heaven and hear His voice, but I did feel a heavy feeling in my stomach and my heart sinking and my conscience began to hurt). I mean here I was getting all upset, being frustrated, judging someone else, and being indignant that everything just wasn't going my way. Oh what a sight I must have been--what a picture I must have painted. Why I bet I looked just like someone who was . . . .lost!

peace and prayers,

n

Tomorrow

My dear friends, thank you all for your prayers, notes and cards. I am doing better--each day God works in my life and I am very grateful. My cancer marker proved to be a false marker as a result of some bleeding in my abdomen. That has been taken care of and like a well behaved little marker, it returned to normal levels. Praise God, there is no sign of cancer!
I currently have a blood clot in my arm and one in my leg. While they are painful, they are pretty small and pretty superficial and along with the IVC filter in my vena cava, they are not too big a worry. The doctors are having a difficult time regulating my blood, it is always either too thin or too thick, so that remains an issue. However, I am sleeping at night--all night, and I am keeping food down a little over half the time. This is such an improvement! I take about 28 meds and doc is working on reducing some of those. (my wallet and my stomach would appreciate that--grin).
On the work front, I prayed that God would protect my job and my health insurance but He did even better! I start my NEW job on Monday! I am very excited! It is in the nicest nursing home in town and I will not be doing marketing or admissions---only social work! I will get to minister to people without worrying about whether they have money or not! I am thrilled and so grateful!
Tomorrow is my 49th birthday and I am so happy! I know it is not a big milestone like 21, 40 or even 50, but twice this year, I was told I probably would not make it to this birthday. When those medical professionals I trust and to whom I have entrusted my life, are concerned that I might not make it through the night, it makes me take time to think seriously about this life of mine. All the memories of a glorious life came to mind and today they are joined by other memories. I will not forget the look in my husband's eyes as he tried to remain strong for me, all the while preparing himself to be without me. I will not forget the tear in the eye of my family doctor while we talked about my close call with death. I will not forget the joy I felt when my son, my daughter in law and my grandkids drove all the way from Florida to see me. I will not forget the outpouring of love and concern from my friends, the church family, and co-workers. You called, you visited, you twittered and blogged but most of all, you prayed and I can never thank you enough--God heard your prayers.
I do not know what the future holds, like the past I am sure it will be filled with ups and downs. But for now, I am "bound securely in the bundle of the living by the Lord my God." I Sam. 25:29 and I am thankful for every day. And so tomorrow--Happy Birthday to me!

blessings,
neva

New Post--same request :(

I know it has been ages since I have posted! I feel guilty even posting now--it has been so long and once again, I come to you, my blogfriends, with a prayer request.
I have not posted because I have been very ill. In March I collapsed at home, was taken by ambulance to the hospital, where they found seven bloodclots in my heart and lungs. I was not expected to make it but with the prayers of my friends and the healing touch of the Master, I recovered. They thought the clots came from my spleen which was very enlarged--so they did all kinds of tests, including a bone marrow biopsy (not too much fun) and finally in April, they removed my spleen. It was not cancerous, but was so large, they had to cut two abdominal muscles, peel it from around my pancreas and re -inflate a lung it had collapsed. I immediately got pneumonia and had a tap that removed the fluid. I began to recuperate, again thanks to the prayers of my friends and the care of the Father. I was home four days, had a follow up appt and was immediately put back in the hospital. My blood was so thin, I had to have 6 units of fresh frozen plasma and 3 of whole blood. Once again, they were not sure I would make it but God knew differently, He'd heard your prayers.
Tuesday of this week, I went in for follow up appt. My labs were skewed, my BP was only 100/42 and my blood was too thin again. So back into the hospital I went for two days. I received more blood products and had an upper and lower gi scope. They found nothing except that my ovarian cancer marker (C125) is high. So next week I go to see yet another doctor.

I have been unable to keep anything on my stomach and have lost a total of 51 lbs since the end of February. I am tired of feeling bad and being unable to know what is wrong! I am tired of having to have someone else cover my ladies classes and my support groups, not to mention my job. And today my boss told me that my job is in jeopardy. She said it was a verbal warning and while "she understands" I can't help it, "the company needs someone who is there to do the job". -----------Y'all, MY job pays our health insurance. That is why I work, too! I am more anxious now about not being well!

So once again, my friends, like a street beggar, I am pleading with you for prayers. I want to be well and useful in the Kingdom again. I don't want my husband to be worried and concerned for my health all the time and I don't want him to have the added burden of no insurance. It is late and I am tired and perhaps later I will look back at this post and delete it for being the selfish worries of a faithless woman, but for tonight, for right now, I covet your prayers.

n

The Non-Proverbs 31 Woman

The wife with little character is easy to find. She values herself more than she values those around her.
She drives her husband away with her constant wanting of more and her dissatisfaction with the lifestyle he can provide.
She regales friends and family with his faults and he is easily replaced.
Her house is always a mess, dishes in the sink, dirty laundry on the floor, and beds unmade.
She picks up takeout or makes reservations for meals.
She hits the snooze bar until she must yell and fuss at her children, hurrying them to get ready for school, wearing wrinkled clothes that do not match and without breakfast.
She has a job but spends her money on pedicures and manicures, nights out with the girls and new clothes and diet coke.
She is a lazy worker, taking long lunches, playing on the computer and watching the clock.
She whines and complains about the things she lacks. She sees only her own plight, uncaring and unseeing the needs of others.
She destroys her husbands reputation, talking to anyone who will listen, even embellishing his misdeeds in order to make her point. She shows no discretion is airing her problems.
She uses any and every medium to share her "story" and her "struggles" playing on the sympathy of all she meets, elevating herself and diminishing others.
Her wisdom is worldly and distorted. She values not her relationships, readily discarding others when they are no longer of use to her.
She leaves the raising of her children to anyone who will watch them and fleaves them with a sitter or family members often.
Her children defend her now but they will not call her when they are grown. (They learned about relationships from her)
Her husband looks back and thinks of her as the "greatest mistake of his life".
Many women do ignoble things but you surpass them all.
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but true character cannot be hidden.
God is not fooled. She will have her reward and her works will be talked about at the city gate.


I got this the other day. It was supposedly written after watching that U-Tube video and hearing the report about the socialite Patricia-Walsh Smith. But I thought it was very telling, don't you?
Neva

Intentional Healing, Deliberate Growth

I have been thinking about this post for a long long time--or at least the concept of it. There are few if any, people in the world who have not been wounded or hurt at one time or another. Onc can scarcely make it into adulthood without the typical teenage woes and wounds. And as adults, we have family baggage, work conflicts, marriage issues, and general life struggles. Each have the potential to harm us and stunt our spiritual or emotional growth. Most of us encounter daily struggles of a minimal sort--the vacuum cleaner broke, we had a flat tire, we were volunteered for a bake sale that starts at 6 am tomorrow!!!! You know the struggles, I am talking about--the ones that make up this crazy thing we call "LIFE". The minimal and daily trials are not the ones that derail us---we are most often able to just deal with the problem and get on with life. Growing and maturing in spite of the trouble, almost as if growing by accident.
And then there are the big things, the ones that are mountains in the road rather than rocks. These are more than stumbling blocks, they are backbreaking, relationship ruining, esteem destroying, life changing crises! They leave us battered and scarred and worse for the wear, tired and fatigued, emotionally drained and empty. They are the unfaithful spouse, the loss of a child, the ravaged mind of a parent with dementia, the tornado, hurricane, flood and fire. They are the events that bankrupt our spirits and our very souls. We don't bounce back from these as easily or accidentally as we do from the little day-to-day trials. These struggles call for us to do some emotional and spiritual work. It is during this dark time that we hit our knees and as we wipe the tears from our eyes, we cry out in anguish to the God of heaven, begging for reprieve, comfort and strength. As the weeping subsides, we dust off our pantlegs and stand, albeit on shaky legs, we stand. And right there, we decide to move on. We resolve to heal and grow in spite of the circumstances. We begin to plan the course of action that will help us heal. That plan may include counseling, prayer, medications or even work. The plan requires action and determination. The epiphany made so clear in the darkest of times is that this healing will not just happen. We will not be able to glide into wholeness. We will have to work at it if we are to find our way out of despair. And find our way out, we do. And years later when the sun is once again visible in our lives, we look back in amazement--marvelling at where we were and how far we've come.
It seems this same thing would apply to churches that have undergone some serious spiritual struggles, like the adultery of the preacher, a split, loss of an eldership or any other major crisis that can wound and threaten to destroy a congregation. The congregation has to make a conscious decision to heal through their disappointment and shame, or rather in spite of it. Licking our wounds might feel good but it does not help us grow. It moves us no further down the road. I know, as I am sure you do, of many congregations who suffer a loss and then never grow again, the life of the church is like a body on life support, no reactions, no responses and no interactions and therefore little hope. And the brethren dwindle away and gradually die or move until they are taken off life support to die, (this is when the last little old man turns off the lights for the final time and locks the door, leaving the community with no congregation of the Lord's body).
Whether individually or congregationally, wounds and trials can stunt our growth and when we do not grow, we die. We must decide to heal, and resolve to grow. There is no other option if we are to survive. God is good and once our healing becomes intentional and our growth deliberate, He will breath life into our tired body, He will bind up our wounds, carry our burdens, and comfort our souls. With His touch, we will survive and we will live.

Blessings,
Neva

What's The Deal With Procrastination?

I just have to ask----"what is the deal with procrastination?" There are very few characteristics I find as annoying as this one! Truly! Does this frustrate anyone else? It frustrates me for several reasons:

• Procrastination takes away one's choices. If we have three choices and we can't make up our minds so we put it off and put if off and put if off until one by one the other two choices are no longer available, leaving us with only one---and therefore no choice really. (Does that make sense?)
• Procrastination causes stress. When we put off a task until the very last minute, we have to rush around to complete it and stress is not good for us. It causes us to age and gain weight (watch Dr Phil if you don't believe me.) :)
• Procrastination results in us giving us less than our very best. Very few of us produce our best product when we hurry to get it done.
• Procrastination causes us to lie. We promise not to wait until the last minute again, we promise to not put things off and then we put off following through with our promise.

These are just a few reasons I hate procrastination! You got any more? Anybody have any scripture about this? Or am I the only one who doesn't like it?

Blessings

Neva

PS. I was going to post this earlier but . . . . . . (grin)

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

A few years ago, I met the mother of a friend. She was a very nice lady and we had a very enjoyable visit. The visit was not a deep, bare my soul, become lifelong friends type visit, (after all, I just met her) but it was nice all the same. As she left, she said goodbye and hugged me, telling me she would say a prayer for me. Thinking that was just a nice thing Christians say to one another, I thanked her. She said, "no, I mean it! I really am going to pray for you. I see in you great sadness and grief." I remember looking at her in disbelief. Sure, I'd had some rough times, multiple miscarriages, death of husband, a few weeks living in our car with an ill husband, a 3 month old and a two year old, death of my sister and her child, divorce of my parents to name a few, but I really thought I had dealt with each of those as a child of faith would. I felt I had grieved appropriately and had worked through that grief. Seeing my disbelief and perhaps even a bit of anger, she started asking me about what colors were in my house (blue--dark, deep blue) and what color I preferred in clothing , (again the same blue or black) and she launched into some long explanation about the color of grief and the soothing calm of deep blue waters and my need for that calm. I really didn't pay much attention to her, nor did I put much stock in her words. I mention it only to say that recently an old friend came to visit me and after staying for a week, she said it was nice to see me so calm and happy. Then she said, "there isn't even any blue in your house anymore--it is much more welcoming and warm". What? I knew I hadn't told her about that conversation. And yet . . . strange isn't it?
I began thinking about what has changed in my life. I began to realize that just as the children of Israel went through their time in the desert, so I'd had mine. And just as they'd relied totally on God, helpless on their own, so had I been. Realizing and accepting the fact that I was helpless in my grief and that the only lasting comfort came from Him, made me stronger, made me more joyful in the end. I realized that total dependence on Him results in total comfort and strength. And just as He is perfect, so is His comfort and His peace and His joy.
Everyday, I come across people with obvious sadness and grief. How I long to share with them the tidings of comfort and joy that comes with knowing and relying on God. I cannot imagine bearing my burdens on my own. I know my weaknesses and I have not the strength to withstand the trials life throws at me. But with God. . . . well to coin that old phrase... "Ain't no mountain high enough ....yeah I know I am taking the words to the song out of context but you know what I mean. Nothing too big, nothing too tall, nothing too dark, nothing to hard---not for my God. My God is my Rock, my Fortress, my Rescuer and my Sustainer. And my God promises to never leave me. I am happy and my comfort and joy are complete.---just had to share them with you.

Blessings
Neva