Riding the Rapids
I have several warm, kind memories of our time in Montana. Sometimes on Saturdays (the only two Saturdays of Summer), we would load up the boys and drive up past Hungry Horse (yes, that is a real place) and head for Graves Lake. Eddy would take the fishing poles to the "quiet" part of the lake while the boys and I played and swam on the other side. Occasionally we were the only people there. The boys fished with their dad until their line got tangled or they got bored and then they'd off to swim or row in the canoe, leaving their dad to sort it out. I would sit in an inner tube, legs and arms dangling, and float on the water, drinking in the sunshine. The lake was always calm and so was I.
I didn't tell you how afraid of water I am. I almost drowned when I was a child and in spite of several years of swimming lessons, I am still terrified. I frequently joke that I am the only person in America who takes a shower with a lifejacket on. An inner tube in a quiet lake is as brave and daring as I get. I would never willingly go whitewater rafting, or scuba diving and possibly never even take a cruise. If I am to be in the water, it must be calm. I can be calm as long as the water is calm.
I like my life to be calm, too. During the quiet, peaceful times of my life I feel so serene, as if everything is just as it should be and as if I could ask for nothing more. However, my life, especially of late, has been anything but Graves Lake calm. During these past few months, I have felt my life on a perpetual white water rafting trip. As the water gets choppier and choppier, my heart beats faster and faster and my stomach begins to knot. I can hear the rapids in the distance but I know, no matter how hard I paddle, I cannot steer the boat in another direction. I must ride along with the river.
When I first heard the waterfall ahead, I worked to convince myself it was something else. I didn't want to believe the river would lead me there. Once I admitted I was headed for the rapids, I began to look around for low lying branches so I could jump out of the boat and stagger to shore. I didn't know where to go or what to do or how to survive once I got to shore, but I still looked, desperately. When no rescuing bough was in sight, I resigned myself to ride the river. And so I tightened up my life jacket, secured my seat in the raft, and held my paddle in a death grip. I have never gone over this waterfall before, but I have been over others. Knowing what to expect, I have prepared myself for the increasing speed of the water. I have braced myself for that very moment when I hang suspended in mid air, the moment just before the fall. I have readied myself for the seemingly endless fall and the flailing that always accompanies it, grasping for handholds in mid air. I have reminded myself of the pain and hurt that comes with impact with the water below, instructing myself to relax and swim out from under the stream into the peaceful calm.
And, now I am longing for the water at the bottom, the water that is calm and peaceful, where I am safe and secure, in my inner tube with feet and hands dangling in the water, soaking up the sunshine, serene, when everything is once again just as it should be.
Neva
Psalm 69:1-3 "Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters: the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail. looking for my God."
Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord and he answered me. He delivered me from my fears."
Isaiah 46:4 "Even in your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." (YEAH!!!!)
I didn't tell you how afraid of water I am. I almost drowned when I was a child and in spite of several years of swimming lessons, I am still terrified. I frequently joke that I am the only person in America who takes a shower with a lifejacket on. An inner tube in a quiet lake is as brave and daring as I get. I would never willingly go whitewater rafting, or scuba diving and possibly never even take a cruise. If I am to be in the water, it must be calm. I can be calm as long as the water is calm.
I like my life to be calm, too. During the quiet, peaceful times of my life I feel so serene, as if everything is just as it should be and as if I could ask for nothing more. However, my life, especially of late, has been anything but Graves Lake calm. During these past few months, I have felt my life on a perpetual white water rafting trip. As the water gets choppier and choppier, my heart beats faster and faster and my stomach begins to knot. I can hear the rapids in the distance but I know, no matter how hard I paddle, I cannot steer the boat in another direction. I must ride along with the river.
When I first heard the waterfall ahead, I worked to convince myself it was something else. I didn't want to believe the river would lead me there. Once I admitted I was headed for the rapids, I began to look around for low lying branches so I could jump out of the boat and stagger to shore. I didn't know where to go or what to do or how to survive once I got to shore, but I still looked, desperately. When no rescuing bough was in sight, I resigned myself to ride the river. And so I tightened up my life jacket, secured my seat in the raft, and held my paddle in a death grip. I have never gone over this waterfall before, but I have been over others. Knowing what to expect, I have prepared myself for the increasing speed of the water. I have braced myself for that very moment when I hang suspended in mid air, the moment just before the fall. I have readied myself for the seemingly endless fall and the flailing that always accompanies it, grasping for handholds in mid air. I have reminded myself of the pain and hurt that comes with impact with the water below, instructing myself to relax and swim out from under the stream into the peaceful calm.
And, now I am longing for the water at the bottom, the water that is calm and peaceful, where I am safe and secure, in my inner tube with feet and hands dangling in the water, soaking up the sunshine, serene, when everything is once again just as it should be.
Neva
Psalm 69:1-3 "Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters: the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail. looking for my God."
Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord and he answered me. He delivered me from my fears."
Isaiah 46:4 "Even in your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." (YEAH!!!!)
posted by Neva | 11:54 AM
8 Comments:
We went tubing at Concan in Tx a lot when I was little. The funny thing about waterfalls is you never know how your landing will be. I always had a blast going down this one waterfall, yet my sister always found the sharp rock at the bottom. Says a lot about our lives.
Kathy
The intensity of the rapids makes the serenity of the calm so much sweeter, doesnt it? You, my friend have faces so many waterfalls in your life. Your faith has always been and continues to be an inspiration to me and many others.
Pat
Arent you glad that with every survived trial we get stronger and rely more on God and His people? I love you and I love your heart for God. I know your faith is strong and will keep you safe no matter how many waterfalls are in your path.
Jean
I have shared that very experience and have found so long as God is with me, there are no rapids He cannot get me through.
Good post, always a blessing.
Eileen
Enjoy the ride! Kathy throws our kids in the deep end of the pool. I don't subscribe to that kind of parenting but do know that in spite of some pain there is fun in the ride.
I remember taking the youth group to a water park. They wanted me to go off this really high "ride". I went off and scraped my back from one end to the other. Kathy had a good laugh with that. But, the ride was fun.
James
It is not so difficult when you get in the boat of your own accord, but when you are dragged aboard kicking and screaming, it makes the ride even scarier. I am praying for your family ---I know this is a difficult time for all of you.
Carol
I am so sad that you didn't tag me. Loved the post, you were right, todays is more inspiring and profound than the tag.
Lyndsay
Oh, I remember the days of rafting in the Rio Grande river in Colorado. The rush of the COLD water, catching the big fish, hitting the BIG rock and ripping out the bottom of the raft and holding on for dear life! Sometimes that is all we can do is hold on to our Lord for dear life and when you finally get out of that raft-your heart is beating out of your chest. You usually have a big smile and may be all wet and cold but you know you are back on firm ground! (and it feels so good) We all have a lot of waves and rapids and I know there will be more to come but I know my Lord always gets me back to the shore. I know you will find your sandy shore line too! I have enjoyed getting to know you guys and we are glad you are here!
Brenda W.
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