Still Shakin'

Ever felt totally overwhelmed? Ever looked around you and wondered if, or knew for sure, you had to be dreaming? Ever knew beyond a shadow of a doubt this could not be your reality? I'm there!!! Truly--I know that I must be living someone else's life. I have been praying that God would help me use His Word as a mirror for my life. That I would look into the Holy Scriptures and be able to discern both my strengths and my weaknesses. That I would have the courage to yield my will to His and become more like Him every day. That I would put away selfishness and vanity and see, I mean really see, those around me and put forth that extra effort to encourage and edify them. That I would focus, truly focus on the eternal things and allow God to take care of the temporal things. Like I said, this has been my prayer. Only, I haven't liked what the Word has shown me. I haven't liked what I saw in the mirror. And so, on a daily basis, I am striving to change that, to work on the flaws, to let God's grace cover the imperfections. I really want to see Him when I look in that mirror, but as of yet, I don't. That is my reality!!!
The part that has me confused is the enormous and abundant blessings bestowed on one so flawed. As I sit and look around me, I am overwhelmed by how much God loves me. I cannot believe He would see me, (and I know He sees me as I truly am) and love me enough to die. I am amazed He could see my meager offerings to Him in time, money, effort, talents, etc and still give me more and more. I cannot comprehend how He hears the words from my mouth that are less than patient, less than encouraging, less than godly and yet He gives me more and more opportunities. Isn't He afraid I will mess up again? He doesn't seem to be.
I am not always a good wife. Sometimes, I take my husband for granted. Sometimes, I put my needs before his. Sometimes, I am less than supportive. And yet, God gave me, not one, but two husbands. Husbands who truly loved me.
I am not always a good mother. Sometimes, I am sarcastic with my children. Sometimes, I set my expectations too high. Sometimes, I get angry and say unkind things to and about my children. And yet, God continues to give me a good relationship with them.
I am not always a good daughter. Sometimes, I am rude to my parents. Sometimes, I roll my eyes when they talk to me, like I did when I was thirteen. And yet, God gave me godly parents who love me and love Him, parents who are loving and supportive.
I am not always a good christian. Sometimes, I get frustrated with my brothers and sister. Sometimes I get angry with excuses and want to vent on them. Sometimes, I think hateful thoughts about them because they have not done what I wanted. And yet, God places me in congregations filled with loving, godly christians, good friends, friends we can laugh and cry with, friends who really care about us.
I know my flaws and I know God does, too. I truly am trying to be better. I am trying to give it my all. I think that is what God did and does for me---He gives me His all. All of the best He has, He gives me. It has nothing to do with what I deserve. It only has to do with loving me. That is overwhelming---that is the part of my reality that is so very difficult to grasp. Praise God that I do not have to understand it to accept it. I am very grateful that He takes all I have to give and blesses me with all He has. He says, "Give and it will be given to you, a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over. will be poured into your lap." When I give my all, He gives His.---He presses it down and continues to shake it together---still shakin', still shakin' , still shakin' . . .

Neva
PS--How cool is that? :)