A Life Disagreed

Ned and I recently watched the movie, "Freedom Writers". For those of you who don't know it is a true story about a young teacher and a classroom full of inner-city Los Angeles kids, kids caught up in the violent aftermath of the Rodney King beating and subsequent riots. Teacher, Erin Gruwell, played by Hilary Swank, fights for these kids. She fights the school system, other teachers, her father and even her own husband. Patrick Dempsey plays her husband and right in the middle of the film, he announces he is going to leave her. He explains his decision to end their marriage by saying, "I feel like I am living a life I just did not agree to."
I thought about that statement for quite some time. I think I can relate. I too, am living a life I did not agree to. I did not sit around as a teenage girl, writing in my diary, planning out this life. I did not write down burying my nineteen year old sister and her child or watching my parents' marriage break up. I did not dream about multiple miscarriages, sick husbands or single parenting. I did not fantasize about being a widow at age 34. And watching the disintegration of the marriage of my child and his abandonment of his faith as well as his family, well, that was never in my plans either. I didn't prepare to comfort a grandchild who just wants her daddy to come home. Nope, these were not in my plans. Like everyone else, I had plans, I had dreams, but these are not them. So, like the character in the movie, I too, am living a life I just did not agree to.
The more I thought about this, the more I began to understand that we all are living a life different than the one we planned. For most of us, the one we planned had happiness and sunshine and singing birds etc. It was truly more like a cartoon or a Hallmark card. It was not real. That kind of sterile, controlled life is only in movies, movies where the main characters are robots rather than thinking, feeling, mistake making people. The only way to have that eutopian life is to somehow be able to control everything and everyone, including yourself. This is not possible. As much as we try to believe the opposite, we are not in control! As Ned always says, "There is a God and we are not Him."
We live in a world teeming with mistake-ridden people, ourselves included. We can neither predict or control what any of them will do. Therefore our lives do not go as planned, and in fact, sometimes go completely contrary or counter to what we had in mind. Robert Burns was very astute in his saying "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry". We can plan and plan and plan, and things will inevitably not go as planned. So why do we even bother?
Proverbs 19:21 says "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Perhaps it is time we let go of our need to control our lives. When we let God and His Spirit control our lives, we will find He has even better things in mind for us, and while some may be difficult, they will provide opportunities for growth and increased faith. We are God's and He is caring for us, guiding us, preparing the way for us. If we live to please Him, He will take care of all the other details. Perhaps, just perhaps, it is not really important whether we agree to this life or not, it is only important how we live it.

Peace
Neva
"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."