Dancing in the Light

I John 1:7 "If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ, His Son, cleanses us from all sin."

Location: North Platte, Nebraska, United States

I am a christian wife, mother and grandmother. I am a licensed Social worker and a licensed Christian counselor. I am most proud of the relationships I have with God, my family and friends all over the world. I have been blessed beyond my dreams.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

When God Cries

I have been weeping a lot lately! My son, has grown into a man I am ashamed of. He has abandoned not only his family, but his faith, his values, even his sense of decency. There are times, it hurts so much I can barely breathe. But the pain in my heart is so much more than just hurt feelings, more than just shame. I am greatly concerned about his salvation. I am concerned about his health. I am concerned about his reputation. I am concerned about the damage he has done to the hearts of those who love him. I seems it was not so very long ago that I held this boy in my arms just moments from the womb. He was so tiny and so sweet. I remember proudly watching him take his first step and ride a bicycle all by himself. I remember holding him when he was ill or hurt. I remember good-night kisses and little "I love yous". I remember how proud and touched I was when he led his first devotional. I remember how he made me laugh and how excited I was when he graduated from high school. I remember not so very long ago, being proud that he took turns getting up to feed and change his newborn daughter. He made me proud so many times. From before he was born, his souls was nourished with God's word. He was always in worship, in VBS and heavily involved in youth activities. We prayed together and had family devotions. Great pains were taken to protect him from worldly influences. He was not raised to behave the way he does now, and yet . . . well, like I said, I have been weeping a lot lately.
I believe we grieve and hurt in direct proportion to how much we love. The ones we have the closest relationships with, the ones we love the most, are the ones who can inflict the most pain, who can break our hearts the fastest. This belief has led me to wonder about when God cries.
We know that He loves us and He created us from nothing but dust. We know He worked out all eternity to get us to love Him too. We know He loves us. Do you think He ever looks down at our lives and weeps? Do you think He remembers how we looked when we were born in His heart? Is He concerned about our health, our salvation and our reputation? Does He care about those whose hearts and minds are damaged by our sinful and selfish behavior? Does He ever look at us and shake His head because He knows we were not raised to behave this way? Is His heart broken that we have abandoned our faith and our church and our values? Have we grown into a people He is ashamed of? Do you think He has been weeping a lot lately?
Just as there is nothing my son can do that will change how much I love him, so God's love for us is faithful and true. The tears will not stop until my son returns to God. Just as God waits for His children to turn from evil, so will I wait patiently and tearfully for my son. If it is true that we grieve in direct proportion to how much we love and we know that " . . .God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son . . ." then the Lord of Heaven and Earth must surely grieve. Oh how His people must break His heart! Oh how my son and so often I, his mother, must cause the Father pain. I know that there are times He must be ashamed of me. I know there are times He shakes His head and weeps. Oh how it must hurt God to watch us make such choices--to watch us abandon all that is true and right and just! Oh how He must be weeping!

Holy Father, today we beg you to forgive our sinful hearts. Forgive us when we allow selfishness and sin to consume our every thought and our every deed. Take us in your arms, bring us back to all that is good and right, back to you. Dry our tears, mend our hearts, restore our spirits. Give us the strength and courage to be your Church. Thank you for your merciful and redeeming love.
In your Son's holy name,



Blogger DJG said...

My heart hurts for you.

and amen to your prayer.

7:32 AM  
Blogger Matt said...

I will say a prayer for your son and for you thank you or sharing your heart.


7:47 AM  
Blogger Nicki said...

My heart breaks for you as I read this.....my parents are going through something similar with my older brother. I know it's heartbreaking for you because I've watched my mom's heart be broken. I think a good scripture for situations like this is the one that says if you train a child up in the Lord, they will always come back. (I can't think of where it is right now) You seem like an amazingly godly woman and I know you truly love the Lord. I will be praying for Him...I wish I could think of the song that talks about those gone astray and we're praying them home. Take care sweet Neva!!

8:22 AM  
Anonymous Don said...

I'm sorry.
Not much can or I suppose should be said.
It is ultimately a situation between him and his heavenly "Parent".
I do believe that none of God's children (those who eventually in some cases cultivate good soil) will be lost.
God has run the scenarios and if one exists for his return- it will come about.
Just keep being available as a potential "scenario" and praying for that one scenario.

9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My heart aches for you, my friend. Thank you for trusting us enough to share your pain. I'm praying for Nathan and his family.


9:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've prayed for Nathan today and will continue to do so. While reading this I thought of my own children and where they will be in the next ten or twenty years. It's scary, isn't it? Doing all we can do for them now and leading them down the correct path, fully knowing that someday they will be making the decisions to what road they will travel.

I'm here for you.
With love,

10:30 AM  
Blogger TREY MORGAN said...

I pray too.

10:34 AM  
Blogger His Girl said...

I join the others in praying for Nathan, you and the others he is hurting.

What a great post - and a great reminder. I know we've all been hurt to one degree or another by those we love...and you are so right that we cannot comprehend the pain we cause God. Thank you for the reminder!

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neva, I'm so sorry!

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your family has been on my heart and in my prayers ever since your mom told me about Nathan. I hurt for you and others going through the same experiences, and I was touched by the reminder that I hurt my Lord in the same ways. I pray with you for forgivness and a renewed spirit.
Love in Him,

12:07 PM  
Anonymous Helen said...

Oh, Neva, I am really sorry! Reading your posts I imagined you to have just the perfect family.

Praying that he'll have a desire for finding his roots at a time to come.

A mothers faith is so much stronger than the enemy.


12:24 PM  
Anonymous john dobbs said...

Neva, thanks for your openness. I know that many people can identify with what you wrote. Our daughter has abandoned her faith ... though I continue to pray for her and her family. We do have insight into the heart of God when we feel and understand the pain that we have received...and that we have given to God ourselves.

2:20 PM  
Blogger Bob Bliss said...

26If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; (1Corinthians 12:26)

4:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hurt for you as I have been there. Thank you also for reminding us just how much it hurts our Father when we disobey.

Praying for your son,

5:02 PM  
Anonymous carol said...

Dear Neva,
Praying for all God's children and for yours---


5:04 PM  
Blogger DidiLyn said...

Neva, your words touch my heart. I don't know you, but you are my sister in Christ, and in some shared pain, and I wish I could give you a hug.
24 years ago today my son was born. He too was raised in church and all that means. Today he is lukewarm and not having a relationship with God and I worry so much. He is heading to Afghanastan next month.
Nothing has driven me to my knees more than my love for my children.
Take care. I'll pray for you tonight.
Diane M

6:04 PM  
Anonymous Georgian Peach said...

I never thought about God crying for us. But it makes sense, as our Father, He would of course be hurt by our actions. We can be so rebellious. This was a great post.
I will pray for Nathan and for you dear one.


6:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Neva,
Your situation is not new to many of us. Most of us have been broken by one we love "abandoning" their faith. Prayer is the only things works--it is the best thing. I will join the others in prayer.


8:14 PM  
Anonymous Tim B said...

I too have wept over two sons who are as your...I will pray for yours as I pray for mine each day...that God will bring thsm back to himself, requardless of the pain they may bear, and fulfill in them His purpose

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am praying for him all the time. I know he is breaking your heart and Ned's too. I am so sorry you have to go through this. But I am very proud of the way you are handling it--learning and sharing God's lessons.
Love ya

8:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

After many years as a youth minister, I have seen this happen many times. A large number of kids come back to the Lord. Keep praying, sister.


9:22 PM  
Blogger preacherman said...

I am sorry you have been weeping lately. I want you to know that I will be praying for you. I want you to know that God cares about you and that you are loved by Him. I care. God is not far off but He is a God who joins us on the ash heep of life. He will listen and as as Christian expect him to answer. Again, I will keep you and Him in my prayers. You are loved. God bless you sister.

10:54 PM  
Blogger The Preacher's Household: said...

I amen your comments and know that our heart weeps with yours. I still have hope for him though. He too is one of God's very special ones.

11:26 PM  
Blogger Live, Love, Laugh said...

Neva, I have a daughter who also is living contrary to what she was taught. She is going directly against God's word and knows it. I am concerned for her and have cried many a tear, but all I can do now is Trust! I have to trust Him, because I can't change her. I will pray for Nathan, please pray for Samantha!

7:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been praying for him for several months now and for you too. I am sorry you are hurting.


8:54 AM  
Blogger Bill said...

You and your son are in my prayers.

9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My son has done the same. I vacillate between shame, anger, hurt and concern. I have been praying for him and will now pray for your son, also. I had overlooked how much it must pain God when we rebel. Thank you for making that point.


2:27 PM  
Blogger Dee O'Neil Andrews said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this, Neva. I understand, because my own son strayed far away for a time and it broke my heart.

But, in my case, I'm very happy to say that he returned, the prodigal son come home, after daily prayers and many hours of sleeplessness and anguish. Now he is restored brighter in his soul than he ever was before, so I will continue to pray for you and Nathan that it will be thus with you two.

The prayers of the righteous avail much.

Much love - Dee

2:49 PM  
Anonymous Tim Archer said...

My Father, please bless Neva and her family. May she know your presence and your peace. May her son know no peace while he is away from you. May we all draw closer to you today and always. In Jesus' Name, Amen

May God bless you, Neva, for the way in which you have blessed others.

Grace and peace,

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great reminder! We often forget how much our heavenly father is pained when we misbehave. I am sorry you are hurting. Be patient and wait for God to work in Nathans life.


4:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In answer to your question: I am sure God has been weeping a lot lately. It has to grieve Him deeply to see:
*a country that embraces deviance and perversion and calls it entertainment or civil rights
*a church that would rather fight than love each other. That would rather be called anything but "Christ's church", that is so anxious to fit in that they welcome outside and pagan influences, embracing them and calling them "brothers", that in order to "grow" in numbers, they sacrifice faith and gospel truth so that they will appeal more to world while appealing less to Christ.
*those in leadership betraying those who support and look to them by abusing the word, abusing the flock and tarnishing the reputation of the bride of Christ.
*His body so busy striving after money that they have no time for spiritual things.

Yes, dear sister, I believe God is indeed weeping a lot lately.

Interested Bystander

6:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


hang in there

10:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Most of us know the pain of parenting, How then could we pain our Father? I agree with Don, this is ultimately between Nathan and his Father--I am sorry it hurts you too.

I will pray

10:24 PM  
Blogger Liz Moore said...

From the heart of a mother, my heart aches for you. I will be praying for your son. I know how hard it is to share personal struggles. Thank you for sharing your heart. My prayers are with you and your son.

It was so ironic to read your blog today about God crying. I have been behind as usual and hadn't read your blog in a few days. I posted something new on my blog today, and while I did not mention God crying, I saw amazing similarities. Now, I really think God is trying to tell me something! Blessings!

1:35 PM  
Blogger Candle (C & L) said...

Neva -My heart hurts foryou and shares your pain -- there is no pain like that of a lost child - whatever the situation. Formethe pain is for a son who is a "good person" -- good father, good husband,responsible citizen but yet he has turned his back on God and serves the god of "self". I pray daily for him and for now I will pray for you. God knows and God hurts where you hurt-- he will find away to humble these men if there is any crack in their armor of self.

God Bless

5:18 PM  

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