Awwww . . .Those Were The Days

One of the best things about moving is you get to "find" stuff from your past, stuff you hadn't really missed and had done okay without, but now, are unwilling to get rid of. The past few weeks have been filled with the discovery of such "treasures". Day before yesterday was no different. The treasure was a photo strip, you know the little photo booths in the mall, where you sit and before you can really pose, the camera shoots and then spits out a strip of four little black and white pictures? Remember? I found such a strip, probably taken around twenty-two years ago. The picture strip features two of the very most important people in my life, my sons. Chad looks like he is six or seven and Nathan four or five. Let me just say without being at all biased, that they are two of the cutest kids I have ever seen!
I have looked at these pictures over and over again. I notice how innocent and childlike they seem. They smile for the camera and make silly faces. They appear to have no worries, no cares, no future concerns. I remember those smiles. I remember all the concern I had for them, already knowing their father would probably not live to see them through childhood, I was constantly worried about how they, how we would handle that loss. They'd already spent more time in hospitals that one their age should. They'd become very familiar with the local EMT's and knew where all the vending machines were at our local hospital. They'd already witnessed the struggle to breathe that was part of their father's daily, hourly, minute by minute struggle. They'd already seen their mother cry barrels and barrels of tears, had their playtimes hushed and shushed to accommodate the sleeping patient. And yet, in these pictures, they smile!
In my prayers, I often ask the Heavenly Father to make me more like a child. I ask Him to help my faith be childlike, unflappable and unstoppable and absolutely limitless! I plead with Him to remind me that I needn't worry, He is taking care of things. I ask that He instills in me the courage and determination of youth. And a sense of awe and wonder at every piece of the world around me. I beg with Him to give me a child's self-esteem that comes from the inherent and proven knowledge that He loves me no matter what, that there is nothing I can do that would make Him so angry He would not offer mercy and grace. I ask Him to make me curious and inquisitive and hungry for learning about Him and His Word. I ask Him to make me desperate to please Him, determined and focused. And I ask Him to help me smile!
As I look at the pictures of these beautiful children, I see their smiles and I cannot help but smile back. I see in them the innocence and purity, the faith and love, the courage and wonder that I so desire in my own spiritual life. I pray with confidence that God will help me be what He can use so that when He looks down at the daily snapshots of my life, He sees me smiling and cannot help by smile in return.

Peace
Neva