Choking

There was a time, not too awful long ago that I thought in blog posts, I thought in scripture references, I thought in application lessons. Not a day passed that I didn't think of some new blog post or some great theme for a ladies day or often even a great sermon, the outline of which I shared with my husband. Many nights, I would wake him up in the middle of the night, to tell him what "new" glimpse or perspective I'd discovered. (Usually he very sweetly asked if I could write it down and tell him in the morning) (grin). But the point is that my mind was constantly thinking about ways to encourage, uplift, inspire or challenge my fellow man with God's Word. I was a faithful blogger and wrote several magazine and newspaper articles, several devotionals and numerous ladies day speeches. I loved it!

Lately though, I feel like one of the seeds sown among the thorns that Luke 8 talks about. In the text, Jesus is talking about the word being planted, or shared, sometimes with good results, others with less than acceptable. As He was prone to do, He spoke in a parable and then explained the meaning. In the explanation, Jesus says "the seed that fell among the thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way, they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures. . . " (Luke 8:14) While I know the parable is talking about Christian growth and the process of maturing, I truly believe that no matter how long we have been in the church and no matter how mature or immature we are, LIFE can choke us. It can rob us of our zeal, cloud our focus and weaken our spirits.

It seems that lately, I haven't been able to focus. I read my Bible but can't seem to hold on to what it says. In fact, if you would ask me an hour later what my study was about, I probably couldn't tell you. I could sit in front of my blog page for hours and be unable to think of something to blog about. I don't seem to have ideas for lessons or applications or blog posts. I sit to pray and can't think of how to do it. Oh, I always begin talking to my Father, just like I've done in the past, but after the spiritual greeting, I don't know what to say! It is so weird!
Because I am a Christian counselor, I of course, tried to analyze exactly what the problem was. Am I concerned about my sons? Do I miss my grandchildren? Is my physical health playing a role? (You see, seven weeks into my recovery, I want to be feeling 100%) Am I grieving with friends who are hurting? Am I a busy preacher's wife/social worker/counselor/etc.? Well, of course the answer to all of those things are yes, but those things are not on my mind all the time either. I think about them in passing but they are not the focus of my day. That is the problem---there seems to be no focus, no sustainable focus in my day. I can't seem to remember what I am supposed to be doing half the time! And I don't like it one little bit! I am not depressed. I am not worried. I am not sad or lonely. I am not unhappy or in pain. I am just feeling like life has a chokehold on me.

I was talking to my mom about this very thing today. She said she'd been through times like that also---times when it took every ounce of her being to stay focused and when merely thinking required monumental effort. We talked about the cares, the pleasures and worries of the world choking us. We talked about the frustration that comes with being choked and how to get out of the chokehold life has us in. I was relieved to know that I am not the only one this happens to and that this is simply a dry time in my life and a very busy one. I don't believe it will last forever and before long I will be back ---thinking in blogposts and lessons, focusing on spiritual things and praying with power. But right now, I will hang on to the Lord's hand. I will continue reading His word, trying to absorb it. I will keep right on praying those long prayers of silence, banking on the promise that He knows already and that the Spirit is saying the words in the Father's ear. I believe my roots are deep and with God's hand, it will not be long before I am no longer choking.

Have any of you ever been there? Do you know what I am talking about? Have any of you ever felt like you were in life's chokehold? What did you do to break free of life's grasp?

Blessings,

Neva