What I Learned From Divorce

No, I have not been divorced, nor am I planning to be (as if anyone does that). But, I have suffered the effects of divorce being on the children of divorced parents side, as well as the parents of divorced children side. And there are some things I have learned. First of all I learned, that divorce has a far reaching impact. While it is the death of a marriage between two people, it wounds and scars the entire family. Parents, children, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles all hurt for the loss of this union. I have also learned that not thinking about it doesn't make it go away. Avoiding painful thoughts only avoids the thoughts--not the pain! I've learned there is really no such thing as a "no-fault" divorce. And . . . deciding who is at fault is not my place. Over the past few years, I have discovered that a divorce in the family changes everything! Planning family get togethers becomes much more difficult. No more holidays together as a family, no more family pictures, no more sharing in each celebration. "Stopping by to see the kids" means making two stops and dividing your time between them. Worshipping together as a family becomes nothing more than a dream. Relationships change not just the obvious changes between the couple, but also between mothers and daughters, fathers in law and sons in law. The conversations become guarded and often painful. The same two people who laughed and visited before, both securely at home in their role, now struggle for words to say and avoid certain topics. Divorce does that! Then there is the analyzing and over analyzing of the situation, the futile search to understand just what happened. This seems to last forever and feels more than strange, it is painful. I've learned that the truth is hidden somewhere in all the pain and hurt and that perhaps no one but God really truly knows it.
No doubt divorce is a cruel teacher! The lessons she insists we learn cause us incredible pain and as we suffer through the syllabus, we come away with a knowledge we wish we'd never needed. And yet, we learn that time and faith heal, that the love of God the Father transcends the relationship caverns left by divorce. We come away knowing that He knows our pain and His heart bleeds with ours. And one day, we realize that the hurt, the hard feelings and the shame have all been replaced by love and that the past is no longer that embarrassing piece of toilet paper dragging around on the bottom of our shoe. We have moved on and while our relationships are different, they are still good. The feelings have changed just as everyone involved has changed. But God, He is still God and He has not changed. Once again, He has carried us through yet another storm and set us upright in a brand new day!

Blessings
Neva